lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
