Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
