We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize