for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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