Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
