Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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