i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
