Swine flu is the new snow day.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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