WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
A bitchslap is in order.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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