im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
