You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
