Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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