I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
