from now on my penis is your penis
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
