yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
