the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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