why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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