I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
