what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
