I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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