I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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