my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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