I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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