Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
