I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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