we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
