He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
