oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
