What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You don't make any sense
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