The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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