Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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