I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
