He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
