New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
