It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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