What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
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