btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
