im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
