Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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