I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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