I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize