Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
