eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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