Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool