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• (360): View more from Washington

  "I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  did i walk over a car last night?

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• (360): View more from Washington

  True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (713): View more from Texas

  So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  I was just power-washing my vagina.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  My legs feel like baby dolphins

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.

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• (310): View more from California

  Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea

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