My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
