Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
