I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
