I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.