I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
