Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I am one with the molecules
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
