I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
