I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
