Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
