I wannas sexs uuuuu
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
