It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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