you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
