oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
