i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
