you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
