Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
