remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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