Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
