the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize