dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
