in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
