I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think my moral compass just broke
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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