He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Im part way to drunk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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