Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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