oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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