WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
