how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
