it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
