he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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