drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
