we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
