So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You have to summon your inner elephant
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
