i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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