She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
