Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
