"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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