We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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