Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
