Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
